A new beginning
Well guess whats done cant be undone...I did have to admit, I was so worried about OT that I on my part neglected LM and BB... For the whole of last sem, I was reading OT Chapter by chapter, highlighting and summarizing the barnwell textbook...
No matter what OT result is tml, I cant be a cry baby anymore...I need to pick myself up and settle the future...
Tml I getting my hair cut and then straight after that down to an interview at starbucks. Really hope that I could get the job so that I could really work at funding my target overseas study.
Sometimes I think I really evil at the heart...since young I been living under my little bro's shadow since primary school although my mum says we are two different people but he could always do better than me...since psle...o levels and even poly...I cried when I got a Credit for my subjects cos this semester i really thought i could finally get away from his shadow and like scored straight HDs for all 4 subjects if not 4Ds...I know he's not competing with me but I am the one competing with him cos deep down I know that its either I complete with him or someone like sue hwa and force myself to be enthu about the subjects cos if not I might be like in secondary school...always hoping that at least I pass.
I DUN WANT TO JUST PASS A BLOODY SUBJECT ANYMORE...I WANT TO GET REALLY GOOD GRADES FOR IT TO GET OUT OF THE FACT THAT "MY BRO IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN ME!"
Since primary school I been getting this sentence from all my teachers:
"She need to work double hard, she's slower in her learning..." and my mum would always tell me to put in my ability to at least make it to express...make it to poly...
I want to get out of this comment... ... I really wanted my mum to see that her kid could also excel in her studies...
TRYING MY BEST IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH...I NEED TO PUSH MYSELF AND DOING SO IS TO COMPLETE WITH MY BRO AND SUE HWA AND THOSE SMARTER THAN ME...
I KNOW THAT ITS THERE'S NO END TO IT AND THAT EVEN IF IT GOT ME AN A LIKE SOME OF THE SUBJECTS IN POLY OR THAT A 78 FOR WIL FOR ONE OF MY SUBJECTS THIS SEM...I WOULD NEVER BE SATISFIED AND BE COMPLAINING LIKE
WHY DID I JUST GOT AN A WHY CANT I GET A Z!
OR
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SHORT OF 2 MARKS TO A HD...
EVEN IF ONE DAY I EARN MY FIRST EVEN HD IN A SUBJECT...I BE THINKING...HOW COME I CANT GET 90 OR FULL FOR IT...
I know I taking this very hard on myself but to speak the truth...I have to if not I would be back to sqaure 1...hoping to at least pass a subject which I did for my sem 3 subjects...I want to push myself to a higher level...be someone that isnt anxious about her results...confident in the approach to the subject and when waiting for the results it would not be i hope i pass but how did i do this time! and also not nervous in the exams...I want to be one that is sure of what I am doing and the explanation that I give...be there to help out my friends and not have the doubt that did I lead them to the wrong track or something...
Even if it hurts real hurts that when i think of the disappointment of my LM results that I begin crying...I know that this is a reminder to a new semester begining that I wouldnt want to repeat the same pain...
No matter what OT result is tml, I cant be a cry baby anymore...I need to pick myself up and settle the future...
Tml I getting my hair cut and then straight after that down to an interview at starbucks. Really hope that I could get the job so that I could really work at funding my target overseas study.
Sometimes I think I really evil at the heart...since young I been living under my little bro's shadow since primary school although my mum says we are two different people but he could always do better than me...since psle...o levels and even poly...I cried when I got a Credit for my subjects cos this semester i really thought i could finally get away from his shadow and like scored straight HDs for all 4 subjects if not 4Ds...I know he's not competing with me but I am the one competing with him cos deep down I know that its either I complete with him or someone like sue hwa and force myself to be enthu about the subjects cos if not I might be like in secondary school...always hoping that at least I pass.
I DUN WANT TO JUST PASS A BLOODY SUBJECT ANYMORE...I WANT TO GET REALLY GOOD GRADES FOR IT TO GET OUT OF THE FACT THAT "MY BRO IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN ME!"
Since primary school I been getting this sentence from all my teachers:
"She need to work double hard, she's slower in her learning..." and my mum would always tell me to put in my ability to at least make it to express...make it to poly...
I want to get out of this comment... ... I really wanted my mum to see that her kid could also excel in her studies...
TRYING MY BEST IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH...I NEED TO PUSH MYSELF AND DOING SO IS TO COMPLETE WITH MY BRO AND SUE HWA AND THOSE SMARTER THAN ME...
I KNOW THAT ITS THERE'S NO END TO IT AND THAT EVEN IF IT GOT ME AN A LIKE SOME OF THE SUBJECTS IN POLY OR THAT A 78 FOR WIL FOR ONE OF MY SUBJECTS THIS SEM...I WOULD NEVER BE SATISFIED AND BE COMPLAINING LIKE
WHY DID I JUST GOT AN A WHY CANT I GET A Z!
OR
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SHORT OF 2 MARKS TO A HD...
EVEN IF ONE DAY I EARN MY FIRST EVEN HD IN A SUBJECT...I BE THINKING...HOW COME I CANT GET 90 OR FULL FOR IT...
I know I taking this very hard on myself but to speak the truth...I have to if not I would be back to sqaure 1...hoping to at least pass a subject which I did for my sem 3 subjects...I want to push myself to a higher level...be someone that isnt anxious about her results...confident in the approach to the subject and when waiting for the results it would not be i hope i pass but how did i do this time! and also not nervous in the exams...I want to be one that is sure of what I am doing and the explanation that I give...be there to help out my friends and not have the doubt that did I lead them to the wrong track or something...
Even if it hurts real hurts that when i think of the disappointment of my LM results that I begin crying...I know that this is a reminder to a new semester begining that I wouldnt want to repeat the same pain...
